Being emptied to be filled up again

This morning it occured to me…the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He let me know a little bit of what he has been doing. Why He has been doing all of the wrecking of my heart and the tears for what I thought were no reason and all of the pain and questions of why why why. Today He let me in on His little secret. He is emptying me so that He can fill me back up. He is making me less and less caring of myself and more and more aware of others. Children in poor countries, Women and Men of faith who show them to me. I am seeing that the pain and tears and hurt that I’m feeling aren’t for me or because of my circumstances. It is for them. The lost, the lonely, the sad, the hurt. It’s for my friends who are going through tough times as the man of the family learns a new life from the seat of a wheelchair. The words of a friend whose heart is burdened by the troubled marriages around her. I see this pain and I am taking it all in, making it a part of my world so that I can SEE it and instead of sitting on the side watching it go by, it moves me to action.
I have a feeling this is only the beginning of this being wrecked part. And that is OK. A while back, I don’t remember when exactly, but I asked God to change my heart. Help me be more like Him. Help me be the woman He created for me to be when He knit me in my mothers womb. I see now that is exactly what He is doing. This fall I asked Him to speak to me as I was working through Priscilla Shirer’s Discerning the Voice of God bible study. This winter He gave me a life situation that I cannot imagine happening to my family but I am a part of and am so blessed because of it. God is speaking to me loud and clear. He is wrecking me to fill me up with Him. The only thing I can think to say is Thank You. You are giving me exactly what I want, even though it is hard. Thank you for having so much faith in me.

Wreckin’

God is wreckin’ my heart every single day. I don’t know yet what it is for, or how He plans to use me once He is done with me. But I can tell you this! Each day, as I go through life, read blogs of faith and encouragement, talk to my girlfriends, go to work, go to church, be a mom and wife, life a life of faith as much as I can – I see that God is doing a number on my heart and soul…and I welcome it! I am not sure why I felt led to even Blog. I think there might be 1 or 2 people that read it. And if not that is OK. I do it for me. Or more for Him. Right now it isn’t any big thing. Maybe it never will be. But maybe someday, in some way there will be some other 30-something woman who is trying to find her way in a new place, with a new faith and she reads something here that makes her realize she is not the only one that felt that way. Then, it will be worth it.
Or maybe 20 years from now my kids look back at this and see how much I was trying to life faith out loud, change my heart and my ways so that they would learn to love Him first and follow Him more than anything else. If my kids turn out that way, then it’s worth it.
And if no one ever reads, replies or posts God knows. He sees….this is me, living my faith outloud. Sharing my journey of how He is changing my heart and my ways. As long as I glorify Him then nothing else matters.

My prayer for tonight

Heavenly Father I come before you tonight realizing that when I am feeling greedy I want “things” more than I want You. I put “things” in place of you Lord thereby committing Idolarty.
Please change my heart Lord. Please help me to not be that person but be the person you want me to be. Move and shape me so that I am not greedy for money but instead eager to serve you.
Please help my family Father so that my children see this trait in me and learn also to not be greedy or try to fill their lives or hearts with “things” Instead may we all learn to come to You when we are broken or empty, sad or hurt and have You fix us instead of “things” pretending to fix us.

Thank You for Your life changing Word that speaks to my heart, shows my mind and opens my eyes to the ways You wish for me to live. For giving me the guidelines I need at any time right at my fingertips.

In Your blessed name,
Amen

Verses that inspired this prayer
Ephesians 5:5 and the study notes in my NIV bible
1 Peter 5:2